Soulmates Page 3

  The underlying fear was she didn’t want to end up like her mother, ignoring the things that bothered her, keeping the façade of tranquility when she was seething under the surface. Talking herself into being in a good mood was easy enough; the little children were so sweet and joyful it was easy to pretend everything was great as long as her life revolved around caring for them. However, she’d catch herself smiling while she played with the kids, and at the same time grumbling under her breath. Was it the same way it started for Pam? Looking the other way, immersing herself in the activities of her family until the slights of her marriage no longer registered? Not having the nerve to investigate by asking Pam, some questions would go unasked, the answers discovered through Lisa’s own brand of pain and despair.

  Having to deal with Jason standing Pam up at the altar, Lisa feared her mother would lapse back into the resentful Pam of the year before, the unforgiving Pam, the Pam whose animosity for Dan had seeped over into her feelings for her daughter. Lisa saw it happening at the time, could sense Pam’s growing rancor. It was squelched when she met Jason and found some fulfillment in life again. When Pam and Nelda asked Lisa to take care of Miranda, Lisa felt that their relationship was almost back to normal. Now this.

  The evening of the wedding day was exhausting for everyone. Susan and Sharon came to the beach house after the reception to see the children, but their real motive was to question Pam about what had happened.

  “Didn’t you notice anything strange when you spoke with him last night?” Susan asked. “Think, Pam. There had to be something.” Pam shook her head but doubted her own powers of observation. She’d been married to an active whoremonger for most of her adult life and never had a clue. Missing signs that her fiancé was ready to ditch her was small potatoes. Fearing Sandra might have something to do with his cold feet she’d keep to herself.

  “I didn’t talk to him after noon yesterday,” she admitted. “His son was in from California.” She didn’t add that Aaron was a drug addict and had been a source of concern for her from almost the beginning of her relationship with Jason. He’d been very close with his mother, Emily. After she died, Jason would no longer support Aaron’s lifestyle, so he moved out of the family home.

  It wasn’t until Pam started dating Jason that Aaron acted out again, asking Jason for money, or showing up unexpectedly, stoned. His behavior had caused problems the previous Christmas when Aaron arrived at his Uncle Jeff’s house. At the height of the party, he went over to Pam’s house when no one was looking. A friend sidled up to Pam and whispered to her. “Don’t look now, but Jason’s kid just slipped over to you house.” Pam perked up, thanking her, and went to Jason.

  “Aaron is over at my house,” she said. Jason didn’t waste any time, taking her by the hand, rushing over the snow-covered sand dune. The first place Jason headed to was Pam’s bathroom; Aaron was looking through her medicine cabinet.

  “Can I help you, son?” he asked.

  “I’m looking for something for my headache,” he said, continuing to rifle through the bottles.

  “Jeff probably has something,” Jason said, maddeningly calm.

  “I looked. He had aspirin.” Pam couldn’t take it any longer stepping forward.

  “Aaron, where I come from people don’t enter another’s home without asking, and they don’t go through their private medicine cabinets, either. Step aside, please.” She moved in front of him and closed the chest. No one moved, Jason silent. Suddenly, the ludicrousness of this adult being treated like an errant child angered her.

  “Out, please. Out of my house.” Both men were shocked, standing still with gaping mouths.

  “Aren’t you being a wee bit dramatic?” Jason asked when she pointed to the door.

  “No, I don’t think I am. Maybe if you had used the same upper hand, he’d be making something of his life instead of wasting it, stealing an old lady’s prescriptions.”

  Not budging, she stood with her arms folded across her chest, tapping her foot until they turned to leave. She didn’t return to Jeff’s, telling Jason to go back and enjoy the party, locking the doors, pulling the shades closed. Jason never called her that night and the next day, they had ten inches of snow. If he was there in Babylon at Jeff’s or on his way back to Philadelphia, she didn’t know. She also didn’t know Aaron was living above Jason’s carriage house.

  The first thing she did when she got up the morning after Jeff’s party was look out the bedroom window. The snow was coming down and the waves were churning it up, throwing it on the beach. There was already a layer of brown-foam covered ice on the sand. Remembering years past, there were times when they woke up to snow on a Monday morning and Jack wouldn’t go into the city for work.

  “I think I’ll stick around today,” he’d say, like he was doing himself a great favor. “How about I make pancakes?”

  Pam rolled over in bed to watch him puttering, hanging his suit up in the closet, looking vulnerable in his underpants with a starched white shirt on, the tails hanging down to his thighs. As he loosened his tie, Pam buried her head in the pillow, laughing. Finally composing herself, she spoke.

  “Come to bed for a minute,” she’d demanded, giggling.

  “I can’t pass that offer up,” he said, taking his shirt back off and hanging it in the closet along with the suit. He’d do a striptease for her, pulling his undershirt off and then standing in front of the mirror, he’d do a before/after, alternately sticking his stomach out and sucking it in again. It was something she now doubted he did in front of his other sexual partners, the laid-back, funny, intimate exposure of his weaknesses and his eccentricities.

  They spend the snow day in relative bliss. When the children were still at home, they’d gather in the den and watch action movies all day while Pam knitted, praying that the snow would continue and they’d have more time together. All of these years later, what difference had it made? Jack and Brent were dead and Lisa was ensconced in life in Smithtown with Dan. She couldn’t imagine spending a snow day with Jason. They didn’t have that kind of relationship.

  Pam realized the intimacy she and Jason lacked transcended the few positives; enjoying each other’s company, familiar friends, being comfortable with each other. Maybe Jason felt it, too and just didn’t know how to confront her. It would be easier to stand her up at the altar. Unless he was in love with Sandra. It was an option she tried to stifle, the thought of losing both of them too awful to contemplate just yet.

  The family waited for her to help them understand what had gone wrong, but she was clueless. “Look,” she pleaded. “I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s clear we didn’t love each other and Jason didn’t know how to get out of marrying me. It’s finished. I’m fine; baffled that I could be such a dope again, but I’m okay.

  “Sharon, Susan, you go on home. Lisa and Dan, you too. Tomorrow is a new day. I would like to relax, maybe spend the day on the beach.”

  Murmuring platitudes, they gathered their belongings to leave, Dan and Lisa and Nelda getting the children together for their drive home. Standing at the door as they filed out Dan, holding baby Marcus, was the first to see that they weren’t alone.

  “You’ve got a visitor,” he whispered. Pam strained to look around him and coming up the walkway, was Jason, nodding his head at Pam’s sisters and their families.

  “Mother, do you want us to stay?” Lisa asked. But Pam shook her head.

  “No, Annabelle and Bubby are here. They can call 911 if I attack him.” Dan snickered as he stood aside so Lisa could get through with the baby.

  “I’m so sorry,” Jason said when he could see they’d reached their cars and were out of earshot.

  “For what?” she asked.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Why, Jason? No, you can’t come in. It’s too late.”

  “Let me try to explain where my head is at,” he pleaded. “I’m not asking you to forgive me, or even to understand. But maybe if you heard my side of it, you’d be
able to see where I’m coming from.”

  “Where are you coming from?” she asked. “Did you go to Jeff’s first?”

  “Yes, but just to park my car over there.”

  “Of course, you did,” she snickered. “Go away Jason. Don’t bother me again or I’ll take a restraining order out against you. And you owe me about $35,000.”

  “I plan on paying you,” he replied contritely. “Why are being so hostile?”

  “You are kidding me, correct?”

  “No. Yes. I’m just confused.”

  “Go on now; go on back to Jeff’s house. Move out so I can close the door.” She didn’t touch him, but it was clear that she wanted him gone, so he backed away and she shut and locked the door, not without first seeing that her daughter and Dan were still at the curb, waiting and watching. When Jason turned the corner to Jeff’s, she flashed the porch light on and off a few times and they drove off. Her phone beeped and she saw it was a text from Lisa.

  Dan’s calling the police to ask them to keep an eye on things tonight. Pam replied okay, not in the mood for any more conversation. But she was in the mood to snoop. Jason could leave her at the altar and then go to Jeff’s house? He didn’t seem that remorseful to her.

  She walked through the house, shutting lights off, ending up in her bedroom to change clothes. Black yoga pants and a dark turtleneck, she felt like a mime until she pulled on a dark hoodie. “Now I really look like a crook.” Tucking her blond hair into the hood, there was nothing but her light skin to reflect the moon, and she didn’t feel like putting shoe polish on her face. Opening the veranda door to the sand, she carefully looked over the wall of beach grass, which separated her house from Jeff’s and she could see lights reflecting off the sand. It appeared they were inside. Looking up and down the beach, no one was out on that beautiful night, walking in the moonlight. Noiselessly creeping over the dune, she stopped short when she saw the lights were coming from Jeff’s living room. Milling around inside were a congregation of people; it looked like he was having a party!

  Getting down on all fours, she crawled to the window ledge. Ted was sitting in a white canvas slipcovered chair with the back to the window; she recognized his baldhead. Jason stood near the fireplace with a highball glass in his hand, posed, looking like he was in a movie scene. Jeff walked in with a tray of what appeared to be hors d’ oeuvres, going to Ted first, and then Jason. But when he turned, Pam got the shock of her life. Sitting in a short skirt with her long legs crossed, looking up at Jason as she smiled chatting, was Sandra.

  “What are you doing?” Pam fell to the ground, stifling her own scream. It was Natalie, bending over, offering her a helping hand. “I mean, I know what you’re doing, but why? Fuck that motherfucker.” Pam reached up and grabbed Natalie’s hand.

  “Let me get back to my place before someone else comes out and finds me here,” she gasped. Natalie pulled her up and they ran back over the dune to Pam’s veranda together. Once they were inside, Pam realized she was having a hot flash of epic proportions. She gently pushed Natalie out of the way and locked the door to the veranda, and then powered the shades to come down. “I’m not taking any chances. I saw Sandra there. You realize history is repeating itself. She successfully stole my late husband, and now, Jason.” Pulling the hoodie off, her hair was soaking wet, as well as her t-shirt.

  “I need to change out of these clothes. Watch out for invaders, okay?”

  “Of course. I’d rather kill one of them then let them in.” Pam went back into her bedroom and stripped her clothes off, pulling sweat pants out of the dresser, her mind a blank. There was a crisis at hand, and she was as calm as a corpse. Going into the bathroom, she grabbed her brush and looked at the reflection in the mirror. Who was that stranger staring back at her? Glad for Natalie’s presence, she couldn’t imagine what she’d do if alone. Bust through Jeff’s door for the attack? Take one too many sleeping pills to block out the day? She’d take cues from Natalie.

  When she came back out and they made eye contact, the laughing began. They roared laughing.

  “I think I’m might have to kill someone before this over,” Pam said, wiping tears of laughter off her cheeks.

  “I’ll help you,” Natalie replied, snorting. “I still can’t believe he did that to you today.”

  “It was a blessing in disguise, I promise you. Do you want a drink?” Pam asked. “I don’t know what else to say to you. Expect I’m so happy you came out and found me. How’d that happen, anyway?”

  “Let’s get that drink,” Natalie said, coming to Pam and pushing her toward the kitchen. “I couldn’t stand listening to the bullshit and when I walked out to the patio, I saw a figure lurking near the window. It didn’t take me long to figure out it was you.” Pam looked at her, confused. “That rock.” Natalie pointed to her ring. “That’s not the one Jason gave you, is it.”

  Pam shook her head. “Nope, it’s my engagement ring from Jack. I know, I know, what a jerk. But at least Jack tried to hide his behavior. He didn’t humiliate me in front of my entire family and friends until after he died.

  “I’m hungry,” she said. “Do you want to share a pizza with me?”

  “I’d be delighted to,” Natalie said. The women locked up the house again and left in Pam’s luxury SUV for Shore Pizza. It wasn’t until after midnight Ted finally noticed Natalie’s absence.

  Chapter 3

  Sunday morning, Pam awoke as sick as she’d been in years. Burning up with fever, she remembered having dreams in which she woke up screaming for her mother so loudly that Annabelle came running into her bedroom. Determining that Pam had a temperature, she went into the bathroom and dug around the medicine chest for aspirin. “Come on, my dear, take these and drink some water, please. You’ve had a hell of a time.” Waiting nearby until Pam finally calmed down and fell back to sleep, Annabelle slept on the couch in the den, just in case Pam cried out again.

  There was a gray light coming in over the drapes, a sure fire way to tell she’d overslept. Reaching for the nightstand, she felt around on its surface until she found her glasses, and turning the clock to read its face, was astonished that it was past nine. Moaning, she got her legs off the bed and pushed to the end.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Nelda was hanging up Pam’s clothes from the night before.

  “What are you doing here?” Pam said, surprised. “How’d you get home?”

  “Annabelle called to tell me you were sick so Dan brought me over. Why are you getting up? You need more aspirin,” she said, frowning, holding out the black top Pam wore to snoop. “And what in God’s name did you do last night? Rob a bank?”

  “I have to go to the bathroom, if you don’t mind,” she replied, getting up. When she came out, Nelda had made up the bed so she could get back in. “Thank you for coming but I think its a little overkill. I’m sick because I allowed the situation yesterday to get to me.”

  “Ha!” Nelda laughed. “Your fiancé leaves you at the altar; I think that’s more than enough reason to get good and sick.” She offered Pam her arm as they walked to the kitchen.

  “That’s not all, Mother,” she said sadly, taking her arm. “When I called Sandra yesterday, Valarie said she’d gone to Philadelphia.”

  “No, I cannot believe she’d stoop that low, snake that she is.”

  “Well, believe it, because later on, I snuck over to Jeff’s house to peek in the windows and she was there. I saw Ted’s ex-girl friend, Natalie and she said Sandra had come with Jason.”

  Confused, Nelda frowned. “How’d you happen to see Natalie?”

  “She caught me looking in the window,” Pam confessed. Nelda shook her head.

  “That creep has reduced you to window peeping now. I never liked him.”

  “Mother, you loved Jason!”

  “I loved Jason like I loved Jack. He made you happy, was giving you what I couldn’t, so I would love him for it. Every mother has regrets. If someone comes along who can give your child what you
were unable to, it removes some of the burden of guilt. Of course, I had no way of knowing Jack was, well that he was doing what he was doing. I don’t believe Jason was as bad, but you never know!”

  Reaching for a glass, trying to hide her shock at what Nelda had admitted, Pam always knew Nelda had pushed two of her children off on Jack so she didn’t have to bother. Now, having confessed she’d done it with Pam, would she admit as much about Marie. Pouring water from the filter pitcher into a glass, Pam chose her words carefully so Nelda wouldn’t get defensive.

  “What did you think Jack could give me that you couldn’t?” Nelda was standing at the counter, but had turned away and was looking out of the window. It was going to be a gray day, an excellent day for beach combing or staying in bed with the covers over one’s head.

  “Well, he’d get you out of Brooklyn, for one thing.”

  “You know our old neighborhood is very trendy now,” Pam said.

  “It’ll always just be plain old Brooklyn to me,” she said, turning to Pam. “I wonder why I didn’t fix our house up? I wasn’t interested in homemaking at all. Now I think of it, I could have had a great time painting and decorating.”

  “You sewed for us,” Pam reminded her. “And you taught me to sew. That was very creative.”

  “I did that out of necessity,” Nelda replied. “I had four girls. Genoa paid for your private schools and uniforms.” She looked back at Pam. “I drank the rest of Daddy’s paycheck, I’m afraid.” Pam was holding her breath. Any attempt to comfort Nelda, to deny that she’d made life tough for her daughters would put an end to the introspection she was processing. It was Nelda’s chance to confess what she’d done to her daughters by validating what they’d gone through because of her actions. It was necessary work at this stage of her life.